Let’s talk pull ups. Firstly, what are they?
If a behaviour doesn’t align to meet what is required; be it openness, kindness, loving, respectful, collaborate, spacious, honouring etc, or if it’s hurtful or unnecessary… do we let that behaviour continue, or do we pull up that behaviour (person)?
A pull up is simply to say, ‘that’s not ok’ and ‘there’s a better way’.
As we reclaim our own worthiness we will often have to introduce pull-ups in our expression. As we change, we have to re-introduce ourselves, and sometimes that means we have to teach people how to treat us.
Like anything we do for the first time it’s always a bit uncomfortable, even messy. But if we do nothing, nothing changes.
A pull-up isn’t about making the other person wrong, being righteous, and certainly not bound by emotional charge, as believe me that will only cause a further shit show!
Learning to address behaviours that aren’t ok takes time, it’s about our willingness to embrace our imperfection and dealing with any consequences that may result from not quite having the know-how to manage the (word) slip ups, mishaps or misunderstandings.
With that said one of the biggest obstacles for getting into these types of conversations is how it makes them feel, even in just thinking about doing it. So many people are more fearful in tabling what’s not working, more-so than address the person for fear of becoming immersed in the uncomfortable murky waters.
The knock-on effect where we don’t introduce change is the behaviours we don’t call out continue, as the other person is left to believe they haven’t done anything wrong... or that there’s no call for a change in behaviour so in some cases the behaviour becomes even more embedded. Something left unsaid for a long time when finally addressed is often bound by full resistance and denial.
And so too the resentment that remains unresolved turns very quickly into toxicity. By that I mean it becomes something that is over-talked with others, fuelled by drama, impacting stress levels, creating even more bad behaviours, wanting to escape, feed addictions and in so doing disconnecting from our innate joy, in inner-harmony.
There’s a distinction worth mentioning… and that is NOT everything that fits undesired behaviour needs to be pulled up. In some cases, we simply walk away, or hold steady in our own lane, or as the saying goes see it for what it is, ‘water off a duck’s back’.
However, if it is something that doesn’t fit our standards, our level of love and respect, our way of being in the world, then we may find it’s necessary. This is where the art of discernment comes into play. To add, if we are being triggered by these behaviours, first is to understand where in ourselves is this being activated, and what healing do we need to bring to ourselves so that the behaviour doesn’t impact at all. Then address the behaviour from a rock solid place. That’s where we are most effective in The Art of Pull-up’s.
There’s so much we can bring to this…
There’s so much we can continually apply to improve our daily lives; new learning, growth and deepening our personal evolution. It’s endless. And it starts by wanting to change.
Pull-ups help us all to evolve. of course there has to be a desire to change. If there is, let's help each other shine.
We all get stuck in our ways, ways that we’ve been told, sold and brought into. And then, just like driving a car, we just keep on driving without really having to be conscious of the drive, we just do it in what’s known an unconscious competence level; in other words, we don’t think about it, we just do it.
We live everyday life imbrued by a few of these similar types of habits. Certain paradigms of thought and beliefs that we have assumed are now embedded in our behaviours, and yet they are not necessarily of conscious choice and awareness. Nor evolutionary in content.
We are so much more than what we do on a rinse and repeat cycle... we are powerhouse creators with endless possibilities and opportunity to live a truly enriching and purpose-filled life.
One such paradigm that needs an over hall is this old chestnut - we all have our ‘good days and bad days’.
If I had a dollar for every time a client, friend or colleague says, “this should be taught at school”, I would be quite wealthy. Learning life-skills has long been overlooked; importance is placed on ‘subjects’ that are rarely used after school life. And yet, to thrive in the world, we NEED to develop life skills - they are the essential navigation tools for meeting all that life throws at us.
We are students for life. It’s never too late to learn. There are so many amazing lessons, insights and new perspectives to be had. They can change the way we experience life and everyday events.
We need to abolish the myth that when we become adults we stop learning… as we never stop learning. We came here to evolve, and to do this we must embrace paths of learning and growth. Scott Horton sums it up perfectly:
We are all imitating someone.
For me in my younger years it was actresses, the cool kids at school and on tv. Then it become my colleagues who were successful, followed with speakers and presenters.
I would study them and then go about reproducing their qualities, style, demeanour and behaviours. When I look back it was largely how I shaped my personality. If I liked something I would add it to my repertoire.
I created a laser focus for what was liked, celebrated and revered… I was a collector - adding qualities as I would go.
And I was really good at it. But at what cost?