Let's talk 'pull ups' to set healthy boundaries

Let’s talk pull ups.  Firstly, what are they?
 
If a behaviour doesn’t align to meet what is required; be it openness, kindness, loving, respectful, collaborate, spacious, honouring etc, or if it’s hurtful or unnecessary… do we let that behaviour continue, or do we pull up that behaviour (person)?
 
A pull up is simply to say, ‘that’s not ok’ and ‘there’s a better way’.
 
As we reclaim our own worthiness we will often have to introduce pull-ups in our expression. As we change, we have to re-introduce ourselves, and sometimes that means we have to teach people how to treat us.
 
Like anything we do for the first time it’s always a bit uncomfortable, even messy. But if we do nothing, nothing changes.
 
A pull-up isn’t about making the other person wrong, being righteous, and certainly not bound by emotional charge, as believe me that will only cause a further shit show!
 
Learning to address behaviours that aren’t ok takes time, it’s about our willingness to embrace our imperfection and dealing with any consequences that may result from not quite having the know-how to manage the (word) slip ups, mishaps or misunderstandings.
 
With that said one of the biggest obstacles for getting into these types of conversations is how it makes them feel, even in just thinking about doing it. So many people are more fearful in tabling what’s not working, more-so than address the person for fear of becoming immersed in the uncomfortable murky waters.
 
The knock-on effect where we don’t introduce change is the behaviours we don’t call out continue, as the other person is left to believe they haven’t done anything wrong... or that there’s no call for a change in behaviour so in some cases the behaviour becomes even more embedded.  Something left unsaid for a long time when finally addressed is often bound by full resistance and denial.
 
And so too the resentment that remains unresolved turns very quickly into toxicity. By that I mean it becomes something that is over-talked with others, fuelled by drama, impacting stress levels, creating even more bad behaviours, wanting to escape, feed addictions and in so doing disconnecting from our innate joy, in inner-harmony.
 
There’s a distinction worth mentioning… and that is NOT everything that fits undesired behaviour needs to be pulled up. In some cases, we simply walk away, or hold steady in our own lane, or as the saying goes see it for what it is, ‘water off a duck’s back’.
 
However, if it is something that doesn’t fit our standards, our level of love and respect, our way of being in the world, then we may find it’s necessary. This is where the art of discernment comes into play.

​To add, if we are being triggered by these behaviours, first is to understand where in ourselves is this being activated, and what healing do we need to bring to ourselves so that the behaviour doesn’t impact at all. Then address the behaviour from a rock solid place. That’s where we are most effective in The Art of Pull-up’s.
 
There’s so much we can bring to this…

1.  Are you addressing what needs to be addressed, and if not how is it impacting your life?
2. Are you looking within to see where the activation occurs, the reactions?
3. Are you living courageously by not staying comfortable?
4. Are you able to discern what is yours (triggers) and what is someone else’s (triggers)?
5. Are you prepared to be a disruptor of status quo, to bring into the light what needs to be addressed?
6. Do you have your ‘what’s next’ as a student for life to strengthen within yourself?
7. What change is required?

 
There’s so much we can continually apply to improve our daily lives; new learning, growth and deepening our personal evolution. It’s endless. And it starts by wanting to change.
 
Pull-ups help us all to evolve. of course there has to be a desire to change. If there is, let's help each other shine.

If only this was taught at school....or at home, or at work. 

​Know it's never to late to learn.
 
Big love,
Lara XO